How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
