Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
