HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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