All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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