I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
