He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
