the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
