hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
