I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
