She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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