i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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