remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
