There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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