before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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