SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
