some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
