are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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