I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
