I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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