Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
