did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
