I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My vagina is very pro this idea
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
