That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
