I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
