her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
