They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
