Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
