we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
