Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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