So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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