I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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