She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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