i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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