Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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