Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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