i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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