so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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