he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
love makes seman taste better
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i now understand why vodka
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
