I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
