Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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