Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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