i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
