I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
organizing the empties. That sober.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
