hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
