So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
