when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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