you told grandpa to call you daddy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
