first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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