Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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