so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
