I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
